Pain in being happy

What if…you’ve got something you really want for a long time…what if..all of a sudden…at those times you feel you don’t deserve it, you get a chance..out of the blue to have it. You’ll be torn between your happiness and the doubt whether you really deserve it. Would you accept it right away or would you take some time to think it over. What if that particular “thing” happens to be the love of your life?

Let me tell you folks about my case.

I was once madly in love with a girl. It was back in high school,it was those times when i didn’t really knew the actual meaning of the term “love”. It was those time when i was too innocent to understand that it was love. It was those times when i had no way of expressing it by any words. It was those times when i had no way of knowing the true meaning of my happiness and enthusiasm. It was those times, when i loved a girl when i didn’t know what it was.

It was of course a failure.

Four years I tried to forget her only to know that i couldn’t. Four years i tried to love another woman only to know that no one can actually take her place. Four years i tried to change my life only to know that my path has been laid for me to walk on.

It was that time when i finally became alone, unable to mingle or stand the company of anyone, it was during that time that i started thinking that my life’s meant to be single. It was during that time that i finally accepted my life as it is, came a blow.

It was something of a gift wrapped in thorns, came though a friend. She claimed with admirable amount of surety that she can in fact get my only love to talk to me. How would you react to this?Of course I was happy beyond description. It was something always dreamed about yet hoped it never would happen.Should I actually say yes or should i pass?

I guess…its God’s way of telling that the one’s we love don’t really leave us. They simply hide behind a cloud and wait for us to show our true pain and agony about missing them.They wait to know if the feelings for them are true. They wait to know if we truly deserve them. And if they do feel that they have punished us enough will they fly back into our aching arms. Should we just accept them right away? Don’t we deserve something for all the pain all these years of suffering?

Maybe we don’t.Maybe all we deserve is them and that’s exactly what we are getting. Maybe I should simply say “yes” right away and finally start living my life right away.


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